I can deceive myself and others by pretending to understand.. Hold hands and falsely reassure myself and someone else of things being shared, but then we both choose to close our eyes to the reality: that no pain ever can be shared. No happiness, no personal achievement, no mental evolution, even peace cannot be shared. We cannot divide anything that’s not physical, anything in mind/ heart is not often understood even by ourselves.
The only thing that can be shared is Love.
I can depend upon no one. I can use people, and they can use me for mutual gains. This is growth, but at the cost of either’s freedom to grow alone, and the speed of growth of the faster one among the two. Friends and family can help me in tasks I specify, but then again, I can’t depend upon anyone if I want things done when I want them done, the way I want them done. No one is born for the purpose of helping me achieve.
The only person I can depend upon is myself.
I have to pursue my dreams. I have to stand up to my aims. I cannot expect anyone to push or pull me. No one can motivate anyone. Those who need to learn and move ahead do so by their own will power. Those who need help need it all their life. Those who blame others, circumstances, and situations are in fact declaring their own submission to these all. One may fall due to someone else’s fault, but getting up is always a personal choice.
I am the only guardian alive for my dreams.
There are no guarantees of any future. Nobody is expected to follow rules to suit you. Everyone will ultimately choose what suits them most and that too, materialistically. I am, and you too are selfish to the core, that being the human nature. Some of us learn to overcome this for love in different forms. This is a personal choice, not mandatory for others because you chose to be unselfish. No one dances to your tune, and you do not dance to anyone’s. I can only choose what I do, not what people do.
Relationships between two where one is superior are fake to the core. That is slavery by definition. Be it between two humans or that between a human and an institute or society: respecting each other equally is the definition of a relationship, all else is financial / legal / professional contract. A relationship where both are not equally happy and satisfied (words may lie) from within is useless and redundant. It is amazing, the length to which we may deceive ourselves before realizing that the other was just using us, and our imagination of them was a mistake all along!
A relationship is only possible with true equality and mutual respect.
There is immense pain in loneliness, but there is cheap compromise in accepting a deceitful relationship. There is no meaning in a bond between two if there is no true love, complete understanding and acceptance, no deceit, mutual respect of each other’s choices, and also a willing, caring attitude towards solving the differences that are a part of any mixture. We often deceive ourselves for the people we like, and realize over time that Nature / God / Prudence / Wisdom / Intuition had all warned us again and again about compromising for petty gains. We need to be more careful in choosing who we trust. This is Brain put to one of its best uses.
Love is only blind, we should not make it deaf and dumb too.Tc
(An article written for my students, published in their recent edition of magazine ‘Sancalp’)