Raising children

The immediate reason for picking up n opening the laptop today is a fb post from my friend Dushyant Singh,another fb post which came across a few days back n an individual whom i saw yesterday in my clinic.

The individual in question has consulted me on a few occassions n has been grappling with proffessional stress.Yesterday he came with his wife.What she said was noteworthy.She said he comes from a very well off family,Is very intelligent but gets easily negatively affected by critism n if somebody dosent agree with him or does not appreciate his input.What she further said was revealing.She stated his parents always handfed him,gave him all he wanted.Their only demand he excels academically n brings back laurels.The individual in question is a well placed banker.

The other was about a highly successful IT guy well settled in the US.The article stated he was academically brilliant,graduated from the best Institute in India,had further education in the US got employed there n seemed to have everything.A lovely wife,kids,big house,big car,posh neighbourhood,children in the best of schools.Then came the recession n his world turned upside down.He lost his high paying job,paying bills n his loans became a struggle.He committed suicide along with his wife n children stating he could not adjust to the new painful reality of his life where he had to compromise on his job,move out of his house to a smaller house in a less fashionable neighbourhood etc.This made me ponder as to what went wrong?It reminded me of the qualities of a successful person mainly the ability to learn from mistakes n failures n carry on.As the hindi song says”Dhuup thi naseeb mein….. to dhuup mein liya hai dum…..Chaandni mili to hum chaandni mein so liye.

This raises the important n pertinent question for us as parents?What is our job as parents?How do we raise our children right?How can we benefit from what psychology has to tell us about this?This is where i will borrow heavily from my friend Dushyants post.

We all want our children to growup right,be successful in their lives n for that we all are aware that our children need to be intelligent.Intelligence is the sum of the multiplication of nature n nurture ie what God gave our children n what we endup equipping them with.

Intelligence is not just IQ(Intelligence quotient).Let me elaborate…Modern psychology informs us that intelligence is of three types

Intelligence Quotient(IQ)

Emotional Quotient(EQ)

Social Quotient(SQ)

1)Intelligence Quotient (IQ)

This basically is the measure of one’s comprehension abilities,solving maths,memorising things n recalling subject matters.

2) Emotional Quotient(EQ)

This is the measure of one’s ability to maintain peace with others,get along with others,be responsible,be honest,respect boundaries,be humble,genuine and considerate.

3)Social Quotient(SQ)

This is the measure of one’s abilty to build a network of friends and maintain it over a long period of time.

People who higher EQ n SQ tend to go farther in life than those with high I but low EQ and SQ.Our current educational system and our parenting unfortunately tends to capitalise on improving IQ levels the rewards thereof ie academic excellence whilst EQ n SQ are downplayed.

An individual with high IQ can endup being employed by a man of high EQ n SQ even though he has low IQ.To quote former President APJ Kalam …..on being asked if given a chance what would he prefer more intelligence or more luck to which the former replied ….more luck n he further elaborated as i have seen a lot of intelligent people working for a few lucky people.It is upto you to fathom what the former President meant by luck.

One’s EQ represents one’s CHARACTER,One’s SQ represents one’s CHARISMA.Our job as parents is to inculcate n encourage those habits n traits that will enhance all the three Qs but especially our childrens EQ n SQ as they help children manage their lives better.

And wonder of wonders Psychological Science has comeup with a forth paradigm

4) The Adversity Quotient(AQ)

This is the measure of one’s ability to deal with the rough patches in life without loosing one’s mind.AQ determines who will giveup in face of adversity,the various trials and tribulations that life throws at one,Who will abandon family n who will consider suicide.

So the million dollar question is what can we as parents do?

Expose children to other areas n facets of life other than academics.See to it that they get involved n engaged in manual work n enjoy it,never use it as a punishment.Remember how many of us quip at our children with “padhego nahin to jhaadu lagaoge”.Get them exposed to sports n Art as form of expressing themselves n developing the ability to communicate their thoughts,feelings ,emotions in a healthy n adaptive manner.Develop their EQ,SQ,AQ.

THE aim n goal should be for our children to become multifaceted individuals with an ability to live life to the fullest n live independently of us.

Finally,DO NOT PREPARE THE ROAD FOR THE CHILD,BUT,PREPARE THE CHILD FOR THE ROAD.

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